Oh the trials and tribulations of sharing your previously treasured sleeping space with the entire world. Yesterday I checked into my room to find a cheesy-footed plus size local snoring sonorously in my dorm. Today it’s a ‘frushouttaarmeecollegeyessir’ loud mouth hick from the Deep South and now, it transpires, Cecil Airline* last seen on Shooting Stars, has also moved in.

And, no, he’s not wearing any shoes.

Anyway, his bunk is sneezing, spitting and, yes, spunking distance away from my pillow. I am absolutely terrified if I doze off later this is going to happen;


It’s never a needy, nubile Swedish netball team on a Hen Weekend is it?

*I seem to recall his name was Captain John Longcock too. Can anyone confirm or deny this? Either way, it’s hilarious.

Until you room with him.