“They’ll print anything these days.” After shrugging off another brush with death, his latest adversity sent to the Pearly Gates via a printing press, Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond dusts himself off, leaving this Droghedan drawled, suave one liner hanging in the air.

Editors of New Zealand newspapers live by this rule. For the most part, very little happens here. Witness this offering from the Otago Daily Times, Queenstown Times pullout section.

Left to right; Ollie, Gemma, me, Keith, Greg, Jackie and Charlie. If it looks like I’m grimacing, you try looking enthusiastic holding the People’s Front Of Cornwall flag in one hand and a coarsely defaced ‘Essex Innit’ on a St.George’s flag in the other.

Yes, I did say that last bit. A role in the UN Diplomatic Corps awaits surely?

Or Shameless?